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Lubbock, Texas to Roncesvalles, Spain
May 8 2006, the day had arrived. It was time for me to fly to Madrid from Lubbock, Texas to begin my journey. The airfare cost a whopping $52.84, round trip. I had so many unused credit card points that’s what it cost to transfer the points into miles…If anything validated this trip, that did it for me. And I needed all the validation I could find. No one supported this trip, not my family and most of my friends. Even if they supported me, they were all worried about my safety, and quite frankly, probably my sanity. I did after all weigh 285 lbs. and my backpack weighed 25 lbs. Walking over the Pyrenees mountains and the second most mountainous region in Europe did pose some health risks. But I was determined. Disapproval, fear, and health risks could go to hell. I was going. The Camino had been calling me for 5 years. It was very difficult to explain the inner calling, this inner drive, to walk over 500 miles in a foreign country by myself, led only by arrows painted on rocks, buildings, other markers, and my gut. I still have a hard time describing it. It didn’t feel like I was escaping my difficult divorce or running away from responsibility. It felt like I was running deeply to myself and to God in a way not supported by my day to day life. I was not spiritually bypassing grief, fear, and shame. That came after the Camino. I needed the space and freedom to allow all that this trip was representing to me at that time. There was a need to break free from what my life was expecting from me. I just couldn’t be the me I had created anymore and that was crazy because I LOVED most of my life. I had become everything I had wanted to become, a mother, a wife, a business owner, financially stable. Many years prior, my reference points for “me” began to blur into confusion. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was in a full blown spiritual emergence process and didn't know it. There was something more than the life I had created that wanted expression and it was impossible to know what that expression was without some me time. I knew that walking the Camino, being close to God, the land, and my inner self would give me answers I couldn’t find in my current life. I had already done the impossible. I walked away from everything I had co-created with my husband, everything that was important to me my whole life. I didn’t know then that the inexpressible desire was to be an emotionally, mentally, spiritually mature integrated person, to find support within myself for myself. I wanted to find the strength and courage to be me as I am without the need for validation and approval. I wanted to no longer be codependent and pulled into fear and self-loathing by every disapproving glance and dismissive statement by the people I loved the most. I just wanted to be me. The unique, intuitive, life-loving, people-loving, planet-loving, Divine-loving, adventurous spiritual sojourner that I Am. The things that made me the happiest made my husband uncomfortable and scared. What made him feel safe made me feel smothered and small. He had been through so much heartbreak because of the Iranian Revolution. He had been through a kind of heartbreak and bitter pain only immigrants from war torn countries can understand. He really is a kind and loving man. He helped homeless people off the streets and into jobs and apartments, fed the grieving and poor and took care of us with the greatest of generosity. But his losses affected him in ways that I had no way of being able to help with, and my childhood abuses were foreign to him. Because neither one of us knew how to communicate effectively beyond our inner wounds, and he refused therapy, I felt I had no other choice than to put parts of myself away on some inner shelf of my soul to make him happy. I went to therapy for a year when I was 27 but he wouldn't speak to me the rest of the day every time I went. Me getting healthier in myself seemed to upset him even more. When I occasionally did the things that made me sing, I would end up paying for it emotionally with his disapproval and then I would lash out at him with bitterness and unkindness for making me pay with his disapproval. It was a vicious cycle and a poor example of relationship for my children. After 20 years of marriage he said he didn't love me like he did when I was 18. He said he loved me a lot more then because I listened...Wow...I loved him so much more than when I was 18. I was far from a perfect wife and knew it, but that statement really did me in. Even then, he wouldn’t go to therapy and I knew I couldn't do another 20 years of what I had been doing. It was devastating. I felt the only options I had were suicide or divorce. I opted for suicide. After having gone through my parent’s divorce when I was 13, I just couldn’t put my girls through it. I thought a dead mother would be better than a divorced mother. Death, even accidental death (I was trying to figure how to make it look accidental) was natural, divorce is not. That is how desperate and unwell I was. But in the end, I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it to my children, and I couldn’t face God. By the time my husband was ready for therapy, I had already filed for divorce was just done. Completely done, and ready to face the unknown ahead of me and made my plane reservations for Spain. I had planned to be in Spain for two months and I was worried about being away from my children for two months with limited ability to contact them. Cell phones were not that advanced in 2006. It was still pre-iPhone! So, it made more sense to not take the cell phone and just use a long-distance phone card from a pay phone instead. I wasn’t sure what access I would have to computers and the internet. From what I had read, some villages may only have one or two phone lines per village much less have internet access back then. So, saying goodbye to the girls ages 14 and 21 was hard. Hard as it was, I was still completely compelled to take this walk across Spain. I craved solitude and the freedom to be myself without ridicule or fear from others. And what did I discover on the Camino? The self-ridicule and fear of life I had been harboring in my subconscious and projecting onto others. Sigh… Why has it taken 13 years to be able to write about this journey? That will be revealed in its fullness as I continue to write, but for now, I can say it took me 14 years to finish the inner journey that began in 2005 when I filed for divorce. Much has been integrated, much material of the subconscious has been brought to the light, digested, processed and is helping me heal literally lifetimes of karma and move into new realms of consciousness. Is there still more, of course there is more to come, there is always more. It feels like writing about this chapter of my life is the final integrative process that will bring about new opportunities, new levels of awareness, and new journeys. I can write because it is time. Madrid to Roncesvalles Journal Entry May 9, 2006 I arrived in Madrid on May 8th early evening. Just getting a taxi to the hotel was an adventure. The taxi driver didn’t seem to know where the hotel was and kept stopping to ask people on the street for directions (Just a reminder, 2006 was pre-Google Maps too.) Was he bullshitting me and taking me for a proverbial ride, or did he really not know? I was jet lagged and my intuition wasn’t kicking in and couldn’t tell. Once I got to the hotel I couldn’t sleep. I had to leave the hotel at 5 am to take the subway to the train station to get to Pamplona from which I would catch a bus to my starting point in Roncesvalles. Lying in bed trying to sleep I became absolutely terrified. Lying in a fetal position and sobbing I thought, “What was I thinking?!” I couldn’t walk 500 miles! I tried to learn Spanish but what I remembered was pathetic and certainly not enough to be conversational. Training for the Camino in West Texas was a joke. The West Texas Plains are FLAT. I walked, a lot, to break in my hiking boots. But nothing was going to prepare me for mountain hiking. I just knew I couldn't make my own way in the world and had decided I was going to wake up, fly home, get remarried to my husband and be a good little wife. A lilting female voice whispered in my ear and said, “Why don’t you get up in the morning, go to the train station and walk the Camino? You can decide when you finish if you want to go back to your husband.” Yes, I heard an audible voice. I had heard this voice once before during my divorce process. I had learned to trust it, so I cried myself to sleep, got up at 5 and made it to the subway. As I was sitting on the subway train I was still really scared. (The first of many miracles and wonders that happened for me on the Camino happened on that train.) The woman sitting directly across from me prayed for me, not audibly, but in her heart. It was quite obvious I was a pilgrim, I’m not sure if my fear was as obvious, but nevertheless, she prayed for me. I could feel the energy move from her heart into mine. I was instantly calmed and silently thanked her and God for the peace that passes understanding. (As I would learn the kindness of strangers is an indispensable necessity on the Camino.) I had a small Spanish to English phrase book I carried and used to buy my train ticket to Pamplona once I got to the train station. Pamplona…my God what a crazy, beautiful, interesting city it is. As I waited in the bus station café reading my guidebook, a handsome, young Moroccan man approached me wanting me to “go to his room.” I knew the Camino offers pilgrim’s a love affair if they want one but good God, I had not even started. “Come to my room while you are waiting for the bus,” he says. “You can put your backpack in the bus station locker,” he says. “Yah, right” I think. I can see the headline of tomorrow morning’s paper, “Stupid Pilgrim Dies in Seedy Hotel Room.” I politely declined until he finally took no for no. It seemed to be quite entertaining to all the other men in the bus station who just watched, grins on their faces, no doubt wondering if I would take the bait. The bus trip was beautiful. Beautiful wooded winding roads up the mountain. That short bus trip would take me 3 days to walk back to where I had just come from. The sun was shining when we left Pamplona but by the time we got to Roncesvalles, the sun was setting, and it was raining. I got to Roncesvalles in time for the pilgrim’s mass with 15 minutes to spare after I got my Credencial del Pilgrim, the pilgrim´s passport you must show at the refugio’s, hostels strictly for pilgrims (sometimes referred to as albergues) to get in, my walking stick, and my sea shell to put on my backpack to show that I am a pilgrim and not a tourist. It was gray and rainy when I got here and the 800 year old monastery at Roncesvalles is rather severe looking and imposing. This did not put me at ease. The roofs are made of mica and the walls are cut grey stone of some kind. For being such an austere looking place on the outside, the interior of the church’s woodwork was beautifully carved, and the stained-glass windows and stone columns and arches of the church were just stunning. The rest of the church was very simple. The pews were simple benches. Pilgrim´s mass at 8 pm was so beautiful, the mass was sung in Latin and it was breathtaking to hear. There were 3 priests that performed the mass but due to the acoustics it sounded like there were 20. An elderly man that had walked from St. John Pier de Port collapsed right between the pews. No one ran to his aid so I started moving in his direction and someone motioned me to leave him alone...how strange...I don't know how someone could just leave an old man laying on the floor. I wasn't sure if it was because it was against protocol to interrupt the mass or because they knew he would be OK, or what. But I can tell you it was very hard to leave him laying there. He did eventually get up and rejoin the mass and seemed to be relatively OK after mass. During mass tonight I had a vision. I went into some kind of altered state and saw myself in the basement of this place, or some other stone Catholic church with my arms chained over my head, being tortured by the Spanish Inquisition. I was eventually drawn and quartered. And then my awareness was back in the present time, following along with the mass. I was a bit stunned but my awareness bounced back right into normal awareness so fast I didn't have time to have much an emotional response to it. I was raised Catholic and quit going to church at the age of 23 when I couldn't find what I was looking for in my quest for a spiritual home after I had asked God to stop the conscious connection. (see the first blog in the series to learn more about that request). I instantly realized after I came out of this vision that this trip was going to create a reconciliation and forgiveness in my heart for the crimes of the church, past and present. As I write this none of it makes any sense. I guess I will see what happens next. The Refugio holds over 130 people in one massive room. The ceilings are 30 to 40 feet tall and giant wooden beams cover the ceiling. There is no heat and it is cold as shit, I wonder if this building is 8oo years old too. But there are very nice showers with hot water and modern toilets with doors. Even though the men and women are all sleeping in the same room the bathrooms are separate. (Which would not always be the case.) The bunk beds are pushed together. So I am sleeping right next to someone. Ugh…You certainly can tell who the Americans and British are and who the French and Germans are. Americans and Brits get dressed and undressed under the sleeping bag. French and Germans are running around in any stage of undress. Thank God my bunk is next to another woman….shit this is going to be interesting. I am already nervous around men. Shit. Getting up at 5 is going to be interesting. I hope I can get some damn sleep. I am already missing the girls and feeling lonely. Next week’s installment – Roncesvalles to Puente La Reina Buen Camino! Elizabeth Sabet
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 | “In empathetic listening you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel”… “You have to open yourself up to be influenced”. Stephen Covey |
Empathetic listening takes active listening skills to a new level of effectiveness. In empathetic listening we are listening for what is being expressed, even if it is not being spoken. This form of deep listening develops trust between the coach and the client, and as Mr. Covey states, it requires you to be influenced. If you are holding onto an agenda for your coaching clients, you will not become an empathetic listener. You will miss the ques your clients give you that, if paid attention to, would help you support your clients in developing deeper awareness, identifying those deeply held underlying assumptions and beliefs that may be preventing them from obtaining what they really want. Empathetic listening helps you get to the root cause of obstacles faster and more accurately than listening on the surface of what is being expressed.
Listening patiently and with acceptance of the speakers statements and experiences, even when you disagree with what someone is saying, demonstrates acceptance and respect. You are not agreeing necessarily, you are acknowledging that you heard what the person said by articulating acknowledging statements. It is important to get a feel for what the speaker is expressing, while at the same time, staying mindful of the emotions and ideas being presented.
We encourage the speaker to continue and go deeper with what they are saying by interjecting neutral summations such as, "So you don't feel important in this relationship", or "You feel you would be happier in a different job", or "You feel scared when you have to make a decision about this." The neutral summation doesn't lead a person into an agenda you may be holding. It keeps the space open for them to respond to, and go deeper into their concerns.
There is a distinct difference between empathy and sympathy, and to become a masterful coach it is important to know the difference. Empathy feels “as” someone, and sympathy is feeling “for” someone. Sympathy pulls the listener into the client’s experience and joins with the disempowering energy and can even unknowingly collude with the client in their disempowering state by affirming any judging statements a client may make. It takes you down into their experience. Joining clients in sympathy does not give the client room to explore the issue more deeply, it simply keeps the client running in the same emotional circles without giving them the opportunity to discover an empowering way of being in the situation if it cannot change, as in the situation of death. If the situation can be transformed, staying in a sympathetic way of being with clients does not give them the opportunity to discover how to transform the situation.
Empathy, on the other hand, allows the listener to feel how the client is feeling, and stays outside the experience enough to be able to be present, create space, and give the client permission to talk about it if they want to. The empathetic listener can still feel the client’s emotions very deeply, yet does not get pulled down into the disempowering state with them. Empathy does not join in, or reinforce the disempowerment, it simply acknowledges the client’s emotions and experience, normalizes them, and then gives the client room to explore the issue more deeply. The coach does not agree with any judgement a client may make about people or situations in empathetic listening.
Empathetic listening keeps the speaker from becoming defensive. Empathetic listening does not include: asking direct questions, checking facts, or argue/attack what is being said. This is the time a coach builds trust and rapport with the client. This is not the time to ask direct questions, the time to test evidence and assumptions can be done at a later time in the conversation or even in a different session.
By employing empathetic listening skills as a coach you are learning more about a person and gaining information you can utilize at a later time. If the speaker says something that appears to be demanding more input, you simply repeat their statement, and add a question. Such as, "You say you feel unimportant in your job?" By repeating the statement as a question you will encourage the speaker to give you more in-depth information.
Your role as an empathetic listener is a supportive role. Your success as an empathetic listener is determined by the ability to utilize the information you receive from the conversation, and allow that information to develop or ripen into new information and deeper awareness for both yourself and the client.
Written by Elizabeth on July 31, 2016. Posted in Spiritual Coaching, Coaching, Spiritual Emergence
The need for trained coaches to work with people who have had spiritual emergence and emergency issues is increasing. Increased mainstream awareness of this psycho-spiritual development process is evidenced by one social media site on Facebook, The Shades of Awakening private group. In it’s first 8 months on Facebook, it attracted over 1800 members. In the last several years, new organizations dedicated to the treatment and support of the process of integration of these experiences have been developed all over the world.
Even though there are many wise and courageous professionals who have learned to utilize these experiences as life lessons and opportunities for deep healing and transformation, many spiritual experiencers are still afraid of going to mental health professionals for assistance. Experiencers are concerned about “getting medicated out of their experiences”, or being hospitalized when no other pathology other than the experience exists. Many experiencers seek help through spiritually oriented life coaches, when they can find them, because coaches do not diagnose conditions or prescribe medications.
Coaches who work with this vulnerable population must be specially trained to provide the support and education experiencers need to ensure the coach does no harm to the client. The transpersonal-transformational coaching model provides an effective way for the coach to get to the essence of an experience and empower the experiencer to develop understanding and meaning. Instead of invalidating a client’s experience and taking the risk of catapulting experiencers into a longer and darker process of integration than necessary, the method modeled in my blogs, and in the ITTC Spiritual Emergence coaching curriculum beginning in April 2017, can create powerful transformation for experiencers.
What is Spiritual Emergence and Emergency?
Let’s begin with the basics. First we must define what these experiences are and how they manifest. It is an event or a series of events, perhaps stirrings in the mind, which can potentially lead to the breakdown of a person’s current understanding and meaning of life. These paradigm shifts lead to transformative growth and greater psycho-spiritual health on the part of the individual. It is, “the movement of an individual to a more expanded way of being that involves enhanced emotional and psychosomatic health, greater freedom of personal choices, and a sense of deeper connection with other people, nature, and the cosmos” (Grof & Grof, 1990: 34)
Spiritual Emergence can occur when people start seeking or experiencing themselves beyond their own personal, societal, or familial identity. Many things can precipitate a spiritual emergence experience. A few possibilities are a major life change, illness, near death experiences, a devotional religious or spiritual practice, drug induced experiences, or an out-of-body experience, just to name a few. However, there are cases in which there was no apparent precipitating cause. This has been discovered to be true in many other studies of the topic. Clearly, it can happen to anyone at any time for unknown reasons. SE is no respecter of religion, culture, race, age, gender, education, or socio-economic status.
How Does Spiritual Emergence/Emergency Present?
While it is possible to diagnose up to 50 types of emergence experiences for the coaching process, we will look at the work of Dr. Stansilov Grof and his wife Christina, who have identified 10 states of spiritual emergency (Grof, S., & Grof, C. (1989). From these basic 10 types we can develop an understanding of the essence of most experiences:
- Ego-Death/Dark Night of the Soul
- There is a dissolution of the self and a consequent loss of reference points. Symptoms may involve feelings of pressure, claustrophobia, oppression, tightness, restlessness, or struggle, or an unbearable endless repetition of “dying” experiences.
- The Awakening of the Kundalini Energy
- Some symptoms are tremors of energy rising up the spine, sensations of extreme hot and cold, the experience of flashing lights, and experiencing powerful waves of emotions. The body can move into strange yogic postures or become contorted and twisted if the energy becomes blocked.
- Shamanic Crisis
- This typically involves a quest or journey to the underworld where demons or animal spirits are often encountered, culminating usually in experiences of death, dismemberment, and annihilation.
- Episodes of Unitive Consciousness
- An experience of transcending the ordinary distinction between object and subject and experiencing ecstatic union with humanity, nature, the cosmos and God.
- Crisis of Psychic Opening
- This may involve channeling, telepathy, clairvoyance, out-of-body experiences and meaningful coincidences.
- Past Life Experiences
- People can behave irrationally because they are experiencing something from the past as part of their current life, or else a person can be haunted by physical feelings and emotions that are not seemingly connected to anything.
- Near Death Experiences
- These experiences often involve an unusual and profound shift in the experience of reality. This usually includes an out-of-body experience can involve profound lessons about life and universal laws.
- Possession States
- This is characterized by an uncanny sense that one’s body and psyche have been invaded and are being controlled by an alien energy or entity that has personal characteristics. It can be another type of Crisis of Psychic Opening.
- Psychological Renewal through the Central Archetype
- Some distinguishing features are themes of death and rebirth, battles of opposing cosmic forces (e.g. good and evil) and conviction that the outcomes are critical to the future of the world.
- Alien Contact/UFO Abduction
- Experiences of personally communicating with an alien life form or being abducted by an alien.
We need more caring, courageous, and educated coaches to work with this population. According to several research sources, over 30% of the population have spiritual experiences! That is a very large under served population! Think about it, you could be empowering so many people to integrate the wisdom gained from these experiences, engage in new passions and professions, and manifest their divine work in the world, now THAT is why I love coaching!
In my next blog in this series, I will talk about the what, how, and why of integration.
Stay tuned in and stay happy!
Elizabeth Sabet
I host a gathering at my house once a month as an activity of my non-profit organization HOPE, www.hopecommunity.us
(shameless plug), and this month's topic was love and compassion. We watched two TED talks about compassion and the difficulties or obstacles that stand in the way of choosing to be compassionate and then had community dialogue about each talk.
One of the talks was from Daniel Goleman. He stated that research shows we are born with a compassionate nature. We are actually hard wired in the brain for its expression. We can become desensitized to our own nature but the truth that we were all born with the desire to extend compassion gave me a lot of hope for humanity. With a little awareness we can regain our nature and begin to act from our true essence instead of the fear and overwhelm so prevalent in our lives. We can become as little children once again. Brave and wise little children.
A very interesting dialogue ensued that evening, revealing the frustrations and hopes I am sure we all experience when faced with human suffering. In the modern information age we hear about almost every act of injustice and tragedy in real time. And we don't just hear about it once, the news reporting and pictures and videos of an event are repeated over and over for days and even weeks. Being deluged with the suffering of others, both in our own communities and globally, even the idea of compassionate action can be overwhelming much less actually feeling like we can take meaningful action, especially if you are overwhelmed with your own suffering and struggles.
There has been enough research and evidence to support the benefits of compassion, both in thought and in action. Compassionate action helps solves problems, ameliorates suffering, and brings people together where before there was separation and misunderstanding. Compassion for others serves us with increased physical health, emotional and mental well-being, and healthier, balanced relationships.
And still, it can be hard to muster up the mental fortitude to make real efforts toward compassionate action.
Our community talk that night gave me some insight into some myths and misconceptions about compassion. Hopefully this insight will relieve some pressure you may experience about being compassionate and give you permission to take action no matter how small you might think it may be. To serve humanity with kindness is never small! Remember compassionate action can be as simple as a thought or a changed perspective.
MYTH #1
"Compassionate action is too time consuming for my busy life."
Compassion doesn't have to take a lot of time. It can be as simple as making different purchase choices at the grocery store or mall. It can be as simple as extending love, encouragement, or appreciation to someone who is sad or discouraged. Or perhaps finding help to empower you to slow down and simplify your life is the compassion you need to extend to yourself!
Empowering yourself to discover and change those lifestyle habits that are creating a life that is overwhelming will help you live a more balanced life. Living a more balanced life frees up mental and physical energy. More mental and physical energy empowers you develop a peaceful mind. Peaceful minds create peaceful environments. Peaceful environments engender more effective problem solving and creativity. Effective problem solving and creativity can alleviate suffering. Alleviating suffering is compassionate!
MYTH #2
"I don't have enough resources to take action."
To give commensurate with your resources means you give knowing that when you give from your available stores you are doing the best you can with the current resources available. There is never a time when you can't do or give something. I was very fortunate to grow up with a mother that taught me true generosity. She always made some kind of treat for new families moving into the neighborhood, usually cookies, banana bread, etc. But when things were really tight, she made biscuits. She said, "It doesn't take much flour to make a few biscuits. We will always have enough to give a little." She gave without fear. She gave what she could. And those warm homemade biscuits brought warmth, comfort, and the promise of new friendship to many people.
One man's mother had even less than my mother, took this concept one step further. When she made tortillas she took a pinch of flour and spread it in a circle around an ant hill outside and said, "We always have enough to share with God's creatures." She gave knowing where her source came from, she gave without fear, she gave commensurate with her ability to give. This man reported they never went without. They always had enough.
We can learn from these humble women. When you give from your true spiritual essence, without fear, you will always be a blessing and always be blessed!
MYTH #3
"My small contribution can't possibly make a real difference."
While you may not have the task of ensuring coffee farmers in South America are getting a fair deal and are not being abused by drug cartels, or tackling the system that supports child slave labor in the coco fields of West Africa, it IS someone's task. And they need your support. They need the western world to vote with our monetary purchases for fair trade, for justice, and safe working conditions. These types of problems have many, many cogs that keep these current unjust systems in place. The biggest cog is our money. So your purchases and lifestyle choices are a LARGE part of the solution. You are being compassionate by supporting the work of those in the trenches and that is no small thing.
A smile and empathetic connection, encouragement, and appreciation could just save someone's life. Never underestimate the power of small kindnesses. Authentic connection and caring changes lives and there is no such thing as an insignificant or small life! Everyone is capable of creating beauty in the world if that capacity is nurtured. Be a nurturer of life!
MYTH #4
"Compassionate action is just a large grand gesture that feeds the givers ego."
Hmmm maybe........Daniel Goleman mentioned he had noticed as he was doing his taxes and reviewing his charitable contributions for the year he had a thought about how pleased one of his friends would be with him that he had given to a specific organization. He realized he received a "narcissistic hit" about his giving. He used this awareness to reign in his ego and revisit the good his ability to give would do for others and minimize his own egoic need.
Most all of us feel good when doing something compassionate or charitable, who doesn't? I mean, why would it make us feel bad? We may feel bad if we couldn't do more or change a person's circumstances but why would we not feel good about ourselves? While we all probably know people that "get off" on their good deeds and make sure others know all about them, we may also know others that just feel good about doing something good. Chances are you also know people who do many good things for others and never talk about them.
The question is, why would a few braggadocios individuals prevent you from taking compassionate action if you had the opportunity? Just as Daniel Goleman used his awareness to reign in his own ego, you can too. But if this is still an issue for you, ask yourself a question: Can I do this and keep a balanced ego; not deflating my ego because I can't do more and not inflating my ego because I took action? If the answer is yes, don't let an opportunity to shine some light into the world pass you by because you are afraid of ego! Use the opportunity as an exercise to master your own ego!
Much Love to All!
Elizabeth J. Sabet
www.elizabethjsabet.com
(shameless plug), and this month's topic was love and compassion. We watched two TED talks about compassion and the difficulties or obstacles that stand in the way of choosing to be compassionate and then had community dialogue about each talk.
One of the talks was from Daniel Goleman. He stated that research shows we are born with a compassionate nature. We are actually hard wired in the brain for its expression. We can become desensitized to our own nature but the truth that we were all born with the desire to extend compassion gave me a lot of hope for humanity. With a little awareness we can regain our nature and begin to act from our true essence instead of the fear and overwhelm so prevalent in our lives. We can become as little children once again. Brave and wise little children.
A very interesting dialogue ensued that evening, revealing the frustrations and hopes I am sure we all experience when faced with human suffering. In the modern information age we hear about almost every act of injustice and tragedy in real time. And we don't just hear about it once, the news reporting and pictures and videos of an event are repeated over and over for days and even weeks. Being deluged with the suffering of others, both in our own communities and globally, even the idea of compassionate action can be overwhelming much less actually feeling like we can take meaningful action, especially if you are overwhelmed with your own suffering and struggles.
There has been enough research and evidence to support the benefits of compassion, both in thought and in action. Compassionate action helps solves problems, ameliorates suffering, and brings people together where before there was separation and misunderstanding. Compassion for others serves us with increased physical health, emotional and mental well-being, and healthier, balanced relationships.
And still, it can be hard to muster up the mental fortitude to make real efforts toward compassionate action.
Our community talk that night gave me some insight into some myths and misconceptions about compassion. Hopefully this insight will relieve some pressure you may experience about being compassionate and give you permission to take action no matter how small you might think it may be. To serve humanity with kindness is never small! Remember compassionate action can be as simple as a thought or a changed perspective.
MYTH #1
"Compassionate action is too time consuming for my busy life."
Compassion doesn't have to take a lot of time. It can be as simple as making different purchase choices at the grocery store or mall. It can be as simple as extending love, encouragement, or appreciation to someone who is sad or discouraged. Or perhaps finding help to empower you to slow down and simplify your life is the compassion you need to extend to yourself!
Empowering yourself to discover and change those lifestyle habits that are creating a life that is overwhelming will help you live a more balanced life. Living a more balanced life frees up mental and physical energy. More mental and physical energy empowers you develop a peaceful mind. Peaceful minds create peaceful environments. Peaceful environments engender more effective problem solving and creativity. Effective problem solving and creativity can alleviate suffering. Alleviating suffering is compassionate!
MYTH #2
"I don't have enough resources to take action."
To give commensurate with your resources means you give knowing that when you give from your available stores you are doing the best you can with the current resources available. There is never a time when you can't do or give something. I was very fortunate to grow up with a mother that taught me true generosity. She always made some kind of treat for new families moving into the neighborhood, usually cookies, banana bread, etc. But when things were really tight, she made biscuits. She said, "It doesn't take much flour to make a few biscuits. We will always have enough to give a little." She gave without fear. She gave what she could. And those warm homemade biscuits brought warmth, comfort, and the promise of new friendship to many people.
One man's mother had even less than my mother, took this concept one step further. When she made tortillas she took a pinch of flour and spread it in a circle around an ant hill outside and said, "We always have enough to share with God's creatures." She gave knowing where her source came from, she gave without fear, she gave commensurate with her ability to give. This man reported they never went without. They always had enough.
We can learn from these humble women. When you give from your true spiritual essence, without fear, you will always be a blessing and always be blessed!
MYTH #3
"My small contribution can't possibly make a real difference."
While you may not have the task of ensuring coffee farmers in South America are getting a fair deal and are not being abused by drug cartels, or tackling the system that supports child slave labor in the coco fields of West Africa, it IS someone's task. And they need your support. They need the western world to vote with our monetary purchases for fair trade, for justice, and safe working conditions. These types of problems have many, many cogs that keep these current unjust systems in place. The biggest cog is our money. So your purchases and lifestyle choices are a LARGE part of the solution. You are being compassionate by supporting the work of those in the trenches and that is no small thing.
A smile and empathetic connection, encouragement, and appreciation could just save someone's life. Never underestimate the power of small kindnesses. Authentic connection and caring changes lives and there is no such thing as an insignificant or small life! Everyone is capable of creating beauty in the world if that capacity is nurtured. Be a nurturer of life!
MYTH #4
"Compassionate action is just a large grand gesture that feeds the givers ego."
Hmmm maybe........Daniel Goleman mentioned he had noticed as he was doing his taxes and reviewing his charitable contributions for the year he had a thought about how pleased one of his friends would be with him that he had given to a specific organization. He realized he received a "narcissistic hit" about his giving. He used this awareness to reign in his ego and revisit the good his ability to give would do for others and minimize his own egoic need.
Most all of us feel good when doing something compassionate or charitable, who doesn't? I mean, why would it make us feel bad? We may feel bad if we couldn't do more or change a person's circumstances but why would we not feel good about ourselves? While we all probably know people that "get off" on their good deeds and make sure others know all about them, we may also know others that just feel good about doing something good. Chances are you also know people who do many good things for others and never talk about them.
The question is, why would a few braggadocios individuals prevent you from taking compassionate action if you had the opportunity? Just as Daniel Goleman used his awareness to reign in his own ego, you can too. But if this is still an issue for you, ask yourself a question: Can I do this and keep a balanced ego; not deflating my ego because I can't do more and not inflating my ego because I took action? If the answer is yes, don't let an opportunity to shine some light into the world pass you by because you are afraid of ego! Use the opportunity as an exercise to master your own ego!
Much Love to All!
Elizabeth J. Sabet
www.elizabethjsabet.com
Spiritual masters teach all fear is an illusion and encourage us to cultivate the ability to walk past fear. Why? Because fear is the cause for all delay to a full awakening.
Fear is the root of all suffering. Fear of not having enough or not being enough is the cause of self-depreciation, shame, and unconscious guilt. Fear of not having enough or being enough can also lead to envy, which leads to greed and hatred of self and others. Fear of feeling your feelings is the cause of addiction. Fear of responsibility, or of making mistakes, or not having proper support and resources are the causes of laziness. Fear of being powerless is the cause of anger. Fear of not being recognized or approved of is the cause of afflictive pride and separation from others. Fear of having unsatisfied desires is the cause of lust.
Behind every fear you will find a lack of knowledge of who you are and a lack of love for yourself. If its true that love casts out fear and perfect love casts out fear perfectly, it stands to reason that the higher vibrational function of fear is to reveal your misunderstandings and to give you a road map of how you could best express love to yourself. Dr. David R. Hawkins frequently taught his students to recontexualize fear by simply being cautious and respectful of all life. This helps you move out of emergency emotions which leads you into higher vibrational states of being such as courage, acceptance, willingness, reason, and eventually to love.
You Cannot Master Fear, You Can Only Master Love
Fear originates in a mind that does not know itself and has misperceptions of both itself and of the world. You cannot master a misperception. If you try to master fear from the same level of mind that created it you will not master it, you will only increase the scope and effects of the misperception. A mind that loves is the only mind that can correct and then master fear. You must love the Truth, God, Beauty, Life, or some higher purpose other than your own current experience to discover the truth of your holiness and perfect function in creation.
If you can allow fear to be a teacher, you will discover much. If you become, angry, prideful, hurt, disappointed, jealous, experience insatiable desire, or any other form of fear ask yourself a few questions:
What do I believe this means about me or that person?
Is that a kind or helpful thing to believe about myself or this person?
What needs to shift in my thinking to take helpful action?
What support do I need to make this shift and action?
You can learn a great deal by using the experience of fear to discover what and who you think you are. You will discover how your thinking may have been either in part, or the entire reason, for your current experience. You will discover how you can demonstrate loving kindness to yourself and others. You will discover solutions you may have previously thought were impossible.
The lower function of fear is to keep you small and helpless. It maintains states of victimization and keeps you from your birthright to Divine Power. Again, examining the facts of the issue and applying reason will help you break the pattern and programming of assumed failure.
Using fear to retrain and reprogram your mind is powerful. You no longer allow fear to hide in your shadow self, you call it out into the light of your curious mind and discover what it can teach you. Using this information to creating lasting happiness requires change, change in the way you think, feel, and act. Following simple steps in retraining the mind to transform fear into love will go a long way in creating lasting happiness.
First, envision success. Use affirmations and visualizations to help you change the way you think and feel about the issue. Repeated use of affirmations and visualizations literally helps reprogram the old neural pathways in the brain that supported failure.
Second, be prepared to get discouraged along the way and have a plan to move past it as it arises. Everyone faces discouragement, disappointment, and setbacks as they go about the work of changing their lives. Reinforce the hope for a happier life experience by reminding yourself why you decided to make the changes in the first place and the benefits you will receive by making the changes.
Third, reinforce your original hope and make a written statement about why you are moving forward with the changes you are making. List all the benefits you think this change will bring to you. Enlist the help of trusted friends and advisers. Give them a copy of your list and ask them to review your plan and ask them if they see any areas you have not yet addressed.
Ask them if you can depend on them to empower you by lovingly holding you accountable to your plan and provide encouragement when you get down or should you lose your way. A positive support group of people who have a proven track record of having made wise decisions in their own life are an invaluable help to give you the hope you need when you need it most.
Fourth, no longer let anyone’s negative attitudes stop you. Not even your own!
Most importantly remember that you are a beautiful child of God, and as God’s creation you are entitled to inherit perfect peace. Seeking Divine Presence, in peaceful and in challenging times, builds a strong relationship with God. You will have a foundation of strength and hope from which to build a beautiful life.
www.elizabethjsabet.com
Fear is the root of all suffering. Fear of not having enough or not being enough is the cause of self-depreciation, shame, and unconscious guilt. Fear of not having enough or being enough can also lead to envy, which leads to greed and hatred of self and others. Fear of feeling your feelings is the cause of addiction. Fear of responsibility, or of making mistakes, or not having proper support and resources are the causes of laziness. Fear of being powerless is the cause of anger. Fear of not being recognized or approved of is the cause of afflictive pride and separation from others. Fear of having unsatisfied desires is the cause of lust.
Behind every fear you will find a lack of knowledge of who you are and a lack of love for yourself. If its true that love casts out fear and perfect love casts out fear perfectly, it stands to reason that the higher vibrational function of fear is to reveal your misunderstandings and to give you a road map of how you could best express love to yourself. Dr. David R. Hawkins frequently taught his students to recontexualize fear by simply being cautious and respectful of all life. This helps you move out of emergency emotions which leads you into higher vibrational states of being such as courage, acceptance, willingness, reason, and eventually to love.
You Cannot Master Fear, You Can Only Master Love
Fear originates in a mind that does not know itself and has misperceptions of both itself and of the world. You cannot master a misperception. If you try to master fear from the same level of mind that created it you will not master it, you will only increase the scope and effects of the misperception. A mind that loves is the only mind that can correct and then master fear. You must love the Truth, God, Beauty, Life, or some higher purpose other than your own current experience to discover the truth of your holiness and perfect function in creation.
If you can allow fear to be a teacher, you will discover much. If you become, angry, prideful, hurt, disappointed, jealous, experience insatiable desire, or any other form of fear ask yourself a few questions:
What do I believe this means about me or that person?
Is that a kind or helpful thing to believe about myself or this person?
What needs to shift in my thinking to take helpful action?
What support do I need to make this shift and action?
You can learn a great deal by using the experience of fear to discover what and who you think you are. You will discover how your thinking may have been either in part, or the entire reason, for your current experience. You will discover how you can demonstrate loving kindness to yourself and others. You will discover solutions you may have previously thought were impossible.
The lower function of fear is to keep you small and helpless. It maintains states of victimization and keeps you from your birthright to Divine Power. Again, examining the facts of the issue and applying reason will help you break the pattern and programming of assumed failure.
Using fear to retrain and reprogram your mind is powerful. You no longer allow fear to hide in your shadow self, you call it out into the light of your curious mind and discover what it can teach you. Using this information to creating lasting happiness requires change, change in the way you think, feel, and act. Following simple steps in retraining the mind to transform fear into love will go a long way in creating lasting happiness.
First, envision success. Use affirmations and visualizations to help you change the way you think and feel about the issue. Repeated use of affirmations and visualizations literally helps reprogram the old neural pathways in the brain that supported failure.
Second, be prepared to get discouraged along the way and have a plan to move past it as it arises. Everyone faces discouragement, disappointment, and setbacks as they go about the work of changing their lives. Reinforce the hope for a happier life experience by reminding yourself why you decided to make the changes in the first place and the benefits you will receive by making the changes.
Third, reinforce your original hope and make a written statement about why you are moving forward with the changes you are making. List all the benefits you think this change will bring to you. Enlist the help of trusted friends and advisers. Give them a copy of your list and ask them to review your plan and ask them if they see any areas you have not yet addressed.
Ask them if you can depend on them to empower you by lovingly holding you accountable to your plan and provide encouragement when you get down or should you lose your way. A positive support group of people who have a proven track record of having made wise decisions in their own life are an invaluable help to give you the hope you need when you need it most.
Fourth, no longer let anyone’s negative attitudes stop you. Not even your own!
Most importantly remember that you are a beautiful child of God, and as God’s creation you are entitled to inherit perfect peace. Seeking Divine Presence, in peaceful and in challenging times, builds a strong relationship with God. You will have a foundation of strength and hope from which to build a beautiful life.
www.elizabethjsabet.com
There are many sacred texts with the same message depicted in many different ways: YOU WERE CREATED by a power, a power more expanded and intelligent than this limited human experience.
Anyone who has ever had a non-linear experience of this power will tell you that this being, whatever it is, is All Knowing, All Encompassing, All Love.
If this is your creator and you believe you were created in the image of this creator, then you must have access to what the Creator Is. However, you must be willing to be open to the leading of Spirit to have access to the Knowingness, the Allness, the Lovingness.
By being willing to be Self reflective you open a space in your soul that allows your perceptions of the world and your place in it to be recontexualized. You will move from perceptions of who you are into a knowledge of what you are. As you begin to discover you are more than a limited being in a body and that you have a meaningful function as consciousness itself, you begin to integrate the beauty of your unique created expression of Divinity into 3D life as an individuation of this mysterious Allness.
Every person has innate talents and skills, a special function, they can gift the world with. By allowing Spirit to progressively reveal more of your true nature you will be able to move in the world in a way that makes your heart leap in appreciation for being alive!
Cultivating the experience and integration of Divinity requires an investment of your time and attention. Creating the Self-discipline to set aside 15 to 20 minutes once or twice a day in which you focus your attention on calling forth your Divine nature is the greatest investment you can make. Once you have enjoyed the conscious awareness of your own Divine nature, even if it is just a momentary glimpse, you will discover renewed hope, faith, and love beyond your wildest dreams.
You exist. You have a divine mind. You are meant to be the flowing beauty of creation. Live it!
www.elizabethjsabet.com
Anyone who has ever had a non-linear experience of this power will tell you that this being, whatever it is, is All Knowing, All Encompassing, All Love.
If this is your creator and you believe you were created in the image of this creator, then you must have access to what the Creator Is. However, you must be willing to be open to the leading of Spirit to have access to the Knowingness, the Allness, the Lovingness.
By being willing to be Self reflective you open a space in your soul that allows your perceptions of the world and your place in it to be recontexualized. You will move from perceptions of who you are into a knowledge of what you are. As you begin to discover you are more than a limited being in a body and that you have a meaningful function as consciousness itself, you begin to integrate the beauty of your unique created expression of Divinity into 3D life as an individuation of this mysterious Allness.
Every person has innate talents and skills, a special function, they can gift the world with. By allowing Spirit to progressively reveal more of your true nature you will be able to move in the world in a way that makes your heart leap in appreciation for being alive!
Cultivating the experience and integration of Divinity requires an investment of your time and attention. Creating the Self-discipline to set aside 15 to 20 minutes once or twice a day in which you focus your attention on calling forth your Divine nature is the greatest investment you can make. Once you have enjoyed the conscious awareness of your own Divine nature, even if it is just a momentary glimpse, you will discover renewed hope, faith, and love beyond your wildest dreams.
You exist. You have a divine mind. You are meant to be the flowing beauty of creation. Live it!
www.elizabethjsabet.com
I AM LOVE....It sounds so cliche, the word love has been bandied about so much it is almost meaningless, and yet, it is the truth. Expressing love requires you understand the many facets of love: Understanding, Appreciation, Loyalty to the Truth, Steadfastness, Willingness, Courage, Acceptance, and Trust are just a few of the many ways love is experienced and expressed.
To be loving you must find something to appreciate, even in the direst of situations or in the most distressing people. To be loving you must want to understand people, situations, and events. To be loving you must be loyal to Truth or put in a differently, loyal to anything that gives and supports a flourishing life. To be loving you must be steadfast in the face of disappointment and delay, for others, and for yourself. To be loving you must be willing, willing to do things differently if need be, and willing to be present. To be loving you must have courage to do what you are being called to do even when you are shaking in fear.
To be loving you must accept what has happened. Acceptance doesn't mean you don't take corrective action or allow injustice to continue, it just means you come to a place of acceptance that a thing has happened. When you can finally accept what has happened to you, you will free up the mental and emotional energy to help you accept responsibility for creating a life worth living beyond disappointment, delay, or grief. Once you have made the shift you will then have more mental clarity to move forward and take actions that will eventually help you create a new life experience.
To be loving you must Trust. You must trust your purpose and function, which of course is to FLOURISH and CREATE BEAUTY in your own unique way.
YOU ARE LOVE, BE LOVING, BE APPRECIATIVE, BE UNDERSTANDING, BE STEADFAST, BE WILLING, BE COURAGEOUS, BE ACCEPTING, BE TRUSTING!
To be loving you must find something to appreciate, even in the direst of situations or in the most distressing people. To be loving you must want to understand people, situations, and events. To be loving you must be loyal to Truth or put in a differently, loyal to anything that gives and supports a flourishing life. To be loving you must be steadfast in the face of disappointment and delay, for others, and for yourself. To be loving you must be willing, willing to do things differently if need be, and willing to be present. To be loving you must have courage to do what you are being called to do even when you are shaking in fear.
To be loving you must accept what has happened. Acceptance doesn't mean you don't take corrective action or allow injustice to continue, it just means you come to a place of acceptance that a thing has happened. When you can finally accept what has happened to you, you will free up the mental and emotional energy to help you accept responsibility for creating a life worth living beyond disappointment, delay, or grief. Once you have made the shift you will then have more mental clarity to move forward and take actions that will eventually help you create a new life experience.
To be loving you must Trust. You must trust your purpose and function, which of course is to FLOURISH and CREATE BEAUTY in your own unique way.
YOU ARE LOVE, BE LOVING, BE APPRECIATIVE, BE UNDERSTANDING, BE STEADFAST, BE WILLING, BE COURAGEOUS, BE ACCEPTING, BE TRUSTING!
To have a healthy identity means you understand WHAT you are more so than WHO you are. You are more than the protoplasm that makes up your physical bodies. You are more than the enculturated personas you think you are. Underneath the programming of your culture and experiences there is a quiet observer. This observer is connected to a broader experience than what your eyes see, ears hear, and mind and body experiences. Even beyond the observer there is more of what you are.
Each individual opens up to what they are as they are ready. This process can be likened to that of a flower unfolding from a bud; if you try to pry open the petals before its natural time you will destroy the beauty that could have fully blossomed. It will never blossom as fully and perfectly as it would have had it been left alone to its natural unfolding. One example of pushing for growth that could damage the flow of a harmonious experience of consciousness could be meditating for several hours a day without prior prepartion. In order to handle the new flow of information and transformational effects of extended meditation the mind must be prepared for the potential changes in awareness brought about by such a rigorous practice which would require years of preparation and tutelage.
Each individual opens up to what they are as they are ready. This process can be likened to that of a flower unfolding from a bud; if you try to pry open the petals before its natural time you will destroy the beauty that could have fully blossomed. It will never blossom as fully and perfectly as it would have had it been left alone to its natural unfolding. One example of pushing for growth that could damage the flow of a harmonious experience of consciousness could be meditating for several hours a day without prior prepartion. In order to handle the new flow of information and transformational effects of extended meditation the mind must be prepared for the potential changes in awareness brought about by such a rigorous practice which would require years of preparation and tutelage.
Be gentle with yourself and others. This perfect life is in us all and in its own time will make itself known to each, when the conditions are right in a person's life. As we come to accept the natural unfolding process of an expanding awareness and growing emotional maturity, we surrender resistance to what is in the moment and create an opening for the miraculous and unexpected to happen.
Make the way as gentle as possible for yourself and others by being kind, understanding, present, and good listeners. Set healthy boundaries because sometimes it is the healthy boundaries of others the help ripen the conditions to someone's unfolding and healing. Having the courage to say, "I am here for you, I am not abandoning you and I need you! I need you to care for me and demonstrate that care by____________." helps people get in touch with what is really important and may give the extra push to be courageous enough to show up for someone else OR courageous enough to show up for themselves and say, "NO, I can't or don't want to do that for you and I am ready for a change." This type of dialogue helps create authentic and organic changes that will lead to growth over a period of time.
Focusing on our own creativity and our own minds, being responsible for our own inner space creates the room for others to grow around us. As we become responsible for being life to the fullest and create room for others to do the same we are cultivating minds that can carry the fullness of life and extend that life to others. Create Joy! BE LIFE AS FULLY AS YOU CAN!
Make the way as gentle as possible for yourself and others by being kind, understanding, present, and good listeners. Set healthy boundaries because sometimes it is the healthy boundaries of others the help ripen the conditions to someone's unfolding and healing. Having the courage to say, "I am here for you, I am not abandoning you and I need you! I need you to care for me and demonstrate that care by____________." helps people get in touch with what is really important and may give the extra push to be courageous enough to show up for someone else OR courageous enough to show up for themselves and say, "NO, I can't or don't want to do that for you and I am ready for a change." This type of dialogue helps create authentic and organic changes that will lead to growth over a period of time.
Focusing on our own creativity and our own minds, being responsible for our own inner space creates the room for others to grow around us. As we become responsible for being life to the fullest and create room for others to do the same we are cultivating minds that can carry the fullness of life and extend that life to others. Create Joy! BE LIFE AS FULLY AS YOU CAN!
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