The title for today’s blog, “Let not the little interferers pull you to littleness. There can be no attraction of guilt in innocence” (ACIM T-23. 4:1) quickly sums up what I had not been focusing on the last few years.
On March 6, 2014, my sister died from her third heart attack at the age of 45. Her heart attacks were caused due to her pain pill addiction. She had been crushing them up and injecting them directly into a medication port, which went directly to her heart. My husband relapsed on the same day. Within a 10-day period my relationships and finances went to shit. It was a defining moment in my life and even after years of dedicated spiritual practice and prayer...
I defined myself as guilty
My sister’s death was so hard to bear. We were so close when we were young. I felt guilty for having judged my sister for 20+ years over her drug use and poor parenting. I felt guilty that I hadn’t set stronger boundaries with myself in my relationship with my husband. I felt guilty I hadn’t saved more money. I had fallen into the egoic self-indulgent guilt I had been warned about by my teachers.
Instead of having a healthy regret that informed my decisions moving forward, I believed I was guilty and deserved all that guilt had to offer. Guilt and it’s best friend, shame, had become an emotional dependency.
I got so turned around from where I had been heading in my spiritual practice. In a single day, I discovered where my spiritual work needed to be directed. It took time, courage, and empowering support to direct my practice deep enough to meet the pain head on.
How could there possibly be any attraction to guilt?! What could possibly make someone believe that remaining in the consciousness of guilt be seen as a good thing? The human mind can make anything sound good if it is getting a benefit from it. I have examined the conscious and unconscious negative ego benefit to guilt ad nauseum, and uncovered my baseline attraction to guilt. Deep in the subconscious was a belief that being a guilty sinner, and the constant supplication to God required for said guilt, would help me be a good person and quit making mistakes that caused people to suffer. In my emotional immaturity I was trying to solve my problems in a way that only perpetuated more pain.
What were the little interferers that pulled me into littleness?
Fear, insecurity, emotional neediness, unforgiveness…. Maybe it was my religious upbringing that instilled the belief of God as Punisher. Maybe it was because I was shamed to the hilt for making mistakes as a child. Maybe it was a lot of things, but the common denominator was me. My mind. My emotions. My will. I had to choose innocence or risk being an energetic match for punishing experiences for God knows how many more lifetimes.
How has peace and innocence been restored to my mind?
Transformational/Transpersonal support and spiritual guidance that’s how! For those of us awakening to our wholeness/holiness in a world of duality, we cannot make it alone. No one ever makes it out of error thinking alone. No one. I listened to the guidance of my spiritual directors, Robert and Rosa Bustos, who emphatically reminded me of my good heart and innocence. I accepted the offer from my professional coaching supervisor, Dr. Rosie Kuhn, to work on my personal psycho-spiritual challenges. I returned to my ACIM practice and came into acceptance that I am, as is everyone, a learning, growing, evolving being. We are in the process of developing a consciousness that can carry the light of our wholeness to greater and greater degrees.
Guilt serves no one and no thing except the energy that would perpetuate separation. Humbleness and asking for help when needed serve the highest and best in us all.
My internal commitment to living a beautiful life is fully supported by love and gratitude, even when I was guilting myself. It was because I loved and cared for others and experienced regret for my immature actions of the past, that I tried to solve the problem of hurting others with guilting and shaming myself. Twisted as my thinking became, even then it was based in love and not wanting others to suffer. So, I decided to give myself a break and discover ways to keep my mind, will, and emotions in a loving healthy place!
Its taken a while to have the courage to talk about that time of my life publicly, but I am finally ready to share the lessons I've learned during this painful, but psycho-spiritually productive time of my life. Let’s look at a few of the things I’ve learned about living from the innocence of being a learning, growing, evolving being.
Being responsible for our ideas and actions doesn’t mean we have to be condemned by them! Being willing to develop the ability to respond to thoughts of fear, insecurity, neediness, and unforgiveness with compassion and wisdom takes courage. Practice Response-Ability by beginning a mindfulness practice. Notice when you are acting or not acting, feeling or not feeling, in a way you want to represent yourself. Notice what the part of you that is acting/feeling in this way is wanting. Be with the wantingness. Give it attention and compassion. Just don’t take physical action on it. Talk to a trusted spiritual director and/or professional to support your practice. Commit to internally responding to yourself before committing to any outward action.
Choose Radical Honesty
Radical honesty is a dangerous business for an unforgiving and fearful heart, and some of us may have strong self-punishment programs we are detoxing! Just as in a physical detox, we experience a craving for the substance we are detoxing. The soul can experience a draw to dwell in the old mind it is in the process of transforming. Give your honesty practice the role of Executive Director of Practice. Let your honest noticing direct where the Love needs to be sent and received. It is in this that you will discover the Real Truth about yourself - something you cannot learn from any human teacher.
Vigilance for God or right action can quickly turn into rigidity. Be watchful for any sense of that sneaky devil, condemnation. Gentleness looks at behaviors born of ignorance and delusion with a deep compassion and respect. Gentleness knows that each soul has its own journey that unfolds as each curiosity is fulfilled and surrendered to the highest good. The wisdom of gentleness also knows when to gently and lovingly choose not to engage with people, places, and things that are not in alignment with our highest good without making any of them wrong.
As we allow gentleness to direct our choices, we learn the only thing we ever defended against was our own delusions of who we thought we were. So fragile are our own self-made images. The idea that we must make ourselves be something more than what we were created to be is the idea that supports defense. Once we accept that we were made by perfection itself, we also come to the deep understanding that there is nothing for us to do to experience Peace. Our focus then becomes only to be aware of the blocks to love within our mind, will, and emotions.
Which action would help you create more peace in your life? Leave a comment below and let me know which of the four choices above you want to start making!
So Much Love!
Elizabeth Sabet, PCC, ACSLC, CBC
Empathetic listening takes active listening skills to a new level of effectiveness. In empathetic listening we are listening for what is being expressed, even if it is not being spoken. This form of deep listening develops trust between the coach and the client, and as Mr. Covey states, it requires you to be influenced. If you are holding onto an agenda for your coaching clients, you will not become an empathetic listener. You will miss the ques your clients give you that, if paid attention to, would help you support your clients in developing deeper awareness, identifying those deeply held underlying assumptions and beliefs that may be preventing them from obtaining what they really want. Empathetic listening helps you get to the root cause of obstacles faster and more accurately than listening on the surface of what is being expressed.
Listening patiently and with acceptance of the speakers statements and experiences, even when you disagree with what someone is saying, demonstrates acceptance and respect. You are not agreeing necessarily, you are acknowledging that you heard what the person said by articulating acknowledging statements. It is important to get a feel for what the speaker is expressing, while at the same time, staying mindful of the emotions and ideas being presented.
We encourage the speaker to continue and go deeper with what they are saying by interjecting neutral summations such as, "So you don't feel important in this relationship", or "You feel you would be happier in a different job", or "You feel scared when you have to make a decision about this." The neutral summation doesn't lead a person into an agenda you may be holding. It keeps the space open for them to respond to, and go deeper into their concerns.
There is a distinct difference between empathy and sympathy, and to become a masterful coach it is important to know the difference. Empathy feels “as” someone, and sympathy is feeling “for” someone. Sympathy pulls the listener into the client’s experience and joins with the disempowering energy and can even unknowingly collude with the client in their disempowering state by affirming any judging statements a client may make. It takes you down into their experience. Joining clients in sympathy does not give the client room to explore the issue more deeply, it simply keeps the client running in the same emotional circles without giving them the opportunity to discover an empowering way of being in the situation if it cannot change, as in the situation of death. If the situation can be transformed, staying in a sympathetic way of being with clients does not give them the opportunity to discover how to transform the situation.
Empathy, on the other hand, allows the listener to feel how the client is feeling, and stays outside the experience enough to be able to be present, create space, and give the client permission to talk about it if they want to. The empathetic listener can still feel the client’s emotions very deeply, yet does not get pulled down into the disempowering state with them. Empathy does not join in, or reinforce the disempowerment, it simply acknowledges the client’s emotions and experience, normalizes them, and then gives the client room to explore the issue more deeply. The coach does not agree with any judgement a client may make about people or situations in empathetic listening.
Empathetic listening keeps the speaker from becoming defensive. Empathetic listening does not include: asking direct questions, checking facts, or argue/attack what is being said. This is the time a coach builds trust and rapport with the client. This is not the time to ask direct questions, the time to test evidence and assumptions can be done at a later time in the conversation or even in a different session.
By employing empathetic listening skills as a coach you are learning more about a person and gaining information you can utilize at a later time. If the speaker says something that appears to be demanding more input, you simply repeat their statement, and add a question. Such as, "You say you feel unimportant in your job?" By repeating the statement as a question you will encourage the speaker to give you more in-depth information.
Your role as an empathetic listener is a supportive role. Your success as an empathetic listener is determined by the ability to utilize the information you receive from the conversation, and allow that information to develop or ripen into new information and deeper awareness for both yourself and the client.
Written by Elizabeth on July 31, 2016. Posted in Spiritual Coaching, Coaching, Spiritual Emergence
The need for trained coaches to work with people who have had spiritual emergence and emergency issues is increasing. Increased mainstream awareness of this psycho-spiritual development process is evidenced by one social media site on Facebook, The Shades of Awakening private group. In it’s first 8 months on Facebook, it attracted over 1800 members. In the last several years, new organizations dedicated to the treatment and support of the process of integration of these experiences have been developed all over the world.
Even though there are many wise and courageous professionals who have learned to utilize these experiences as life lessons and opportunities for deep healing and transformation, many spiritual experiencers are still afraid of going to mental health professionals for assistance. Experiencers are concerned about “getting medicated out of their experiences”, or being hospitalized when no other pathology other than the experience exists. Many experiencers seek help through spiritually oriented life coaches, when they can find them, because coaches do not diagnose conditions or prescribe medications.
Coaches who work with this vulnerable population must be specially trained to provide the support and education experiencers need to ensure the coach does no harm to the client. The transpersonal-transformational coaching model provides an effective way for the coach to get to the essence of an experience and empower the experiencer to develop understanding and meaning. Instead of invalidating a client’s experience and taking the risk of catapulting experiencers into a longer and darker process of integration than necessary, the method modeled in my blogs, and in the ITTC Spiritual Emergence coaching curriculum beginning in April 2017, can create powerful transformation for experiencers.
What is Spiritual Emergence and Emergency?
Let’s begin with the basics. First we must define what these experiences are and how they manifest. It is an event or a series of events, perhaps stirrings in the mind, which can potentially lead to the breakdown of a person’s current understanding and meaning of life. These paradigm shifts lead to transformative growth and greater psycho-spiritual health on the part of the individual. It is, “the movement of an individual to a more expanded way of being that involves enhanced emotional and psychosomatic health, greater freedom of personal choices, and a sense of deeper connection with other people, nature, and the cosmos” (Grof & Grof, 1990: 34)
Spiritual Emergence can occur when people start seeking or experiencing themselves beyond their own personal, societal, or familial identity. Many things can precipitate a spiritual emergence experience. A few possibilities are a major life change, illness, near death experiences, a devotional religious or spiritual practice, drug induced experiences, or an out-of-body experience, just to name a few. However, there are cases in which there was no apparent precipitating cause. This has been discovered to be true in many other studies of the topic. Clearly, it can happen to anyone at any time for unknown reasons. SE is no respecter of religion, culture, race, age, gender, education, or socio-economic status.
How Does Spiritual Emergence/Emergency Present?
While it is possible to diagnose up to 50 types of emergence experiences for the coaching process, we will look at the work of Dr. Stansilov Grof and his wife Christina, who have identified 10 states of spiritual emergency (Grof, S., & Grof, C. (1989). From these basic 10 types we can develop an understanding of the essence of most experiences:
We need more caring, courageous, and educated coaches to work with this population. According to several research sources, over 30% of the population have spiritual experiences! That is a very large under served population! Think about it, you could be empowering so many people to integrate the wisdom gained from these experiences, engage in new passions and professions, and manifest their divine work in the world, now THAT is why I love coaching!
In my next blog in this series, I will talk about the what, how, and why of integration.
Stay tuned in and stay happy!
I host a gathering at my house once a month as an activity of my non-profit organization HOPE, www.hopecommunity.us
(shameless plug), and this month's topic was love and compassion. We watched two TED talks about compassion and the difficulties or obstacles that stand in the way of choosing to be compassionate and then had community dialogue about each talk.
One of the talks was from Daniel Goleman. He stated that research shows we are born with a compassionate nature. We are actually hard wired in the brain for its expression. We can become desensitized to our own nature but the truth that we were all born with the desire to extend compassion gave me a lot of hope for humanity. With a little awareness we can regain our nature and begin to act from our true essence instead of the fear and overwhelm so prevalent in our lives. We can become as little children once again. Brave and wise little children.
A very interesting dialogue ensued that evening, revealing the frustrations and hopes I am sure we all experience when faced with human suffering. In the modern information age we hear about almost every act of injustice and tragedy in real time. And we don't just hear about it once, the news reporting and pictures and videos of an event are repeated over and over for days and even weeks. Being deluged with the suffering of others, both in our own communities and globally, even the idea of compassionate action can be overwhelming much less actually feeling like we can take meaningful action, especially if you are overwhelmed with your own suffering and struggles.
There has been enough research and evidence to support the benefits of compassion, both in thought and in action. Compassionate action helps solves problems, ameliorates suffering, and brings people together where before there was separation and misunderstanding. Compassion for others serves us with increased physical health, emotional and mental well-being, and healthier, balanced relationships.
And still, it can be hard to muster up the mental fortitude to make real efforts toward compassionate action.
Our community talk that night gave me some insight into some myths and misconceptions about compassion. Hopefully this insight will relieve some pressure you may experience about being compassionate and give you permission to take action no matter how small you might think it may be. To serve humanity with kindness is never small! Remember compassionate action can be as simple as a thought or a changed perspective.
"Compassionate action is too time consuming for my busy life."
Compassion doesn't have to take a lot of time. It can be as simple as making different purchase choices at the grocery store or mall. It can be as simple as extending love, encouragement, or appreciation to someone who is sad or discouraged. Or perhaps finding help to empower you to slow down and simplify your life is the compassion you need to extend to yourself!
Empowering yourself to discover and change those lifestyle habits that are creating a life that is overwhelming will help you live a more balanced life. Living a more balanced life frees up mental and physical energy. More mental and physical energy empowers you develop a peaceful mind. Peaceful minds create peaceful environments. Peaceful environments engender more effective problem solving and creativity. Effective problem solving and creativity can alleviate suffering. Alleviating suffering is compassionate!
"I don't have enough resources to take action."
To give commensurate with your resources means you give knowing that when you give from your available stores you are doing the best you can with the current resources available. There is never a time when you can't do or give something. I was very fortunate to grow up with a mother that taught me true generosity. She always made some kind of treat for new families moving into the neighborhood, usually cookies, banana bread, etc. But when things were really tight, she made biscuits. She said, "It doesn't take much flour to make a few biscuits. We will always have enough to give a little." She gave without fear. She gave what she could. And those warm homemade biscuits brought warmth, comfort, and the promise of new friendship to many people.
One man's mother had even less than my mother, took this concept one step further. When she made tortillas she took a pinch of flour and spread it in a circle around an ant hill outside and said, "We always have enough to share with God's creatures." She gave knowing where her source came from, she gave without fear, she gave commensurate with her ability to give. This man reported they never went without. They always had enough.
We can learn from these humble women. When you give from your true spiritual essence, without fear, you will always be a blessing and always be blessed!
"My small contribution can't possibly make a real difference."
While you may not have the task of ensuring coffee farmers in South America are getting a fair deal and are not being abused by drug cartels, or tackling the system that supports child slave labor in the coco fields of West Africa, it IS someone's task. And they need your support. They need the western world to vote with our monetary purchases for fair trade, for justice, and safe working conditions. These types of problems have many, many cogs that keep these current unjust systems in place. The biggest cog is our money. So your purchases and lifestyle choices are a LARGE part of the solution. You are being compassionate by supporting the work of those in the trenches and that is no small thing.
A smile and empathetic connection, encouragement, and appreciation could just save someone's life. Never underestimate the power of small kindnesses. Authentic connection and caring changes lives and there is no such thing as an insignificant or small life! Everyone is capable of creating beauty in the world if that capacity is nurtured. Be a nurturer of life!
"Compassionate action is just a large grand gesture that feeds the givers ego."
Hmmm maybe........Daniel Goleman mentioned he had noticed as he was doing his taxes and reviewing his charitable contributions for the year he had a thought about how pleased one of his friends would be with him that he had given to a specific organization. He realized he received a "narcissistic hit" about his giving. He used this awareness to reign in his ego and revisit the good his ability to give would do for others and minimize his own egoic need.
Most all of us feel good when doing something compassionate or charitable, who doesn't? I mean, why would it make us feel bad? We may feel bad if we couldn't do more or change a person's circumstances but why would we not feel good about ourselves? While we all probably know people that "get off" on their good deeds and make sure others know all about them, we may also know others that just feel good about doing something good. Chances are you also know people who do many good things for others and never talk about them.
The question is, why would a few braggadocios individuals prevent you from taking compassionate action if you had the opportunity? Just as Daniel Goleman used his awareness to reign in his own ego, you can too. But if this is still an issue for you, ask yourself a question: Can I do this and keep a balanced ego; not deflating my ego because I can't do more and not inflating my ego because I took action? If the answer is yes, don't let an opportunity to shine some light into the world pass you by because you are afraid of ego! Use the opportunity as an exercise to master your own ego!
Much Love to All!
Elizabeth J. Sabet
Spiritual masters teach all fear is an illusion and encourage us to cultivate the ability to walk past fear. Why? Because fear is the cause for all delay to a full awakening.
Fear is the root of all suffering. Fear of not having enough or not being enough is the cause of self-depreciation, shame, and unconscious guilt. Fear of not having enough or being enough can also lead to envy, which leads to greed and hatred of self and others. Fear of feeling your feelings is the cause of addiction. Fear of responsibility, or of making mistakes, or not having proper support and resources are the causes of laziness. Fear of being powerless is the cause of anger. Fear of not being recognized or approved of is the cause of afflictive pride and separation from others. Fear of having unsatisfied desires is the cause of lust.
Behind every fear you will find a lack of knowledge of who you are and a lack of love for yourself. If its true that love casts out fear and perfect love casts out fear perfectly, it stands to reason that the higher vibrational function of fear is to reveal your misunderstandings and to give you a road map of how you could best express love to yourself. Dr. David R. Hawkins frequently taught his students to recontexualize fear by simply being cautious and respectful of all life. This helps you move out of emergency emotions which leads you into higher vibrational states of being such as courage, acceptance, willingness, reason, and eventually to love.
You Cannot Master Fear, You Can Only Master Love
Fear originates in a mind that does not know itself and has misperceptions of both itself and of the world. You cannot master a misperception. If you try to master fear from the same level of mind that created it you will not master it, you will only increase the scope and effects of the misperception. A mind that loves is the only mind that can correct and then master fear. You must love the Truth, God, Beauty, Life, or some higher purpose other than your own current experience to discover the truth of your holiness and perfect function in creation.
If you can allow fear to be a teacher, you will discover much. If you become, angry, prideful, hurt, disappointed, jealous, experience insatiable desire, or any other form of fear ask yourself a few questions:
What do I believe this means about me or that person?
Is that a kind or helpful thing to believe about myself or this person?
What needs to shift in my thinking to take helpful action?
What support do I need to make this shift and action?
You can learn a great deal by using the experience of fear to discover what and who you think you are. You will discover how your thinking may have been either in part, or the entire reason, for your current experience. You will discover how you can demonstrate loving kindness to yourself and others. You will discover solutions you may have previously thought were impossible.
The lower function of fear is to keep you small and helpless. It maintains states of victimization and keeps you from your birthright to Divine Power. Again, examining the facts of the issue and applying reason will help you break the pattern and programming of assumed failure.
Using fear to retrain and reprogram your mind is powerful. You no longer allow fear to hide in your shadow self, you call it out into the light of your curious mind and discover what it can teach you. Using this information to creating lasting happiness requires change, change in the way you think, feel, and act. Following simple steps in retraining the mind to transform fear into love will go a long way in creating lasting happiness.
First, envision success. Use affirmations and visualizations to help you change the way you think and feel about the issue. Repeated use of affirmations and visualizations literally helps reprogram the old neural pathways in the brain that supported failure.
Second, be prepared to get discouraged along the way and have a plan to move past it as it arises. Everyone faces discouragement, disappointment, and setbacks as they go about the work of changing their lives. Reinforce the hope for a happier life experience by reminding yourself why you decided to make the changes in the first place and the benefits you will receive by making the changes.
Third, reinforce your original hope and make a written statement about why you are moving forward with the changes you are making. List all the benefits you think this change will bring to you. Enlist the help of trusted friends and advisers. Give them a copy of your list and ask them to review your plan and ask them if they see any areas you have not yet addressed.
Ask them if you can depend on them to empower you by lovingly holding you accountable to your plan and provide encouragement when you get down or should you lose your way. A positive support group of people who have a proven track record of having made wise decisions in their own life are an invaluable help to give you the hope you need when you need it most.
Fourth, no longer let anyone’s negative attitudes stop you. Not even your own!
Most importantly remember that you are a beautiful child of God, and as God’s creation you are entitled to inherit perfect peace. Seeking Divine Presence, in peaceful and in challenging times, builds a strong relationship with God. You will have a foundation of strength and hope from which to build a beautiful life.
There are many sacred texts with the same message depicted in many different ways: YOU WERE CREATED by a power, a power more expanded and intelligent than this limited human experience.
Anyone who has ever had a non-linear experience of this power will tell you that this being, whatever it is, is All Knowing, All Encompassing, All Love.
If this is your creator and you believe you were created in the image of this creator, then you must have access to what the Creator Is. However, you must be willing to be open to the leading of Spirit to have access to the Knowingness, the Allness, the Lovingness.
By being willing to be Self reflective you open a space in your soul that allows your perceptions of the world and your place in it to be recontexualized. You will move from perceptions of who you are into a knowledge of what you are. As you begin to discover you are more than a limited being in a body and that you have a meaningful function as consciousness itself, you begin to integrate the beauty of your unique created expression of Divinity into 3D life as an individuation of this mysterious Allness.
Every person has innate talents and skills, a special function, they can gift the world with. By allowing Spirit to progressively reveal more of your true nature you will be able to move in the world in a way that makes your heart leap in appreciation for being alive!
Cultivating the experience and integration of Divinity requires an investment of your time and attention. Creating the Self-discipline to set aside 15 to 20 minutes once or twice a day in which you focus your attention on calling forth your Divine nature is the greatest investment you can make. Once you have enjoyed the conscious awareness of your own Divine nature, even if it is just a momentary glimpse, you will discover renewed hope, faith, and love beyond your wildest dreams.
You exist. You have a divine mind. You are meant to be the flowing beauty of creation. Live it!
I AM LOVE....It sounds so cliche, the word love has been bandied about so much it is almost meaningless, and yet, it is the truth. Expressing love requires you understand the many facets of love: Understanding, Appreciation, Loyalty to the Truth, Steadfastness, Willingness, Courage, Acceptance, and Trust are just a few of the many ways love is experienced and expressed.
To be loving you must find something to appreciate, even in the direst of situations or in the most distressing people. To be loving you must want to understand people, situations, and events. To be loving you must be loyal to Truth or put in a differently, loyal to anything that gives and supports a flourishing life. To be loving you must be steadfast in the face of disappointment and delay, for others, and for yourself. To be loving you must be willing, willing to do things differently if need be, and willing to be present. To be loving you must have courage to do what you are being called to do even when you are shaking in fear.
To be loving you must accept what has happened. Acceptance doesn't mean you don't take corrective action or allow injustice to continue, it just means you come to a place of acceptance that a thing has happened. When you can finally accept what has happened to you, you will free up the mental and emotional energy to help you accept responsibility for creating a life worth living beyond disappointment, delay, or grief. Once you have made the shift you will then have more mental clarity to move forward and take actions that will eventually help you create a new life experience.
To be loving you must Trust. You must trust your purpose and function, which of course is to FLOURISH and CREATE BEAUTY in your own unique way.
YOU ARE LOVE, BE LOVING, BE APPRECIATIVE, BE UNDERSTANDING, BE STEADFAST, BE WILLING, BE COURAGEOUS, BE ACCEPTING, BE TRUSTING!
To have a healthy identity means you understand WHAT you are more so than WHO you are. You are more than the protoplasm that makes up your physical bodies. You are more than the enculturated personas you think you are. Underneath the programming of your culture and experiences there is a quiet observer. This observer is connected to a broader experience than what your eyes see, ears hear, and mind and body experiences. Even beyond the observer there is more of what you are.
Each individual opens up to what they are as they are ready. This process can be likened to that of a flower unfolding from a bud; if you try to pry open the petals before its natural time you will destroy the beauty that could have fully blossomed. It will never blossom as fully and perfectly as it would have had it been left alone to its natural unfolding. One example of pushing for growth that could damage the flow of a harmonious experience of consciousness could be meditating for several hours a day without prior prepartion. In order to handle the new flow of information and transformational effects of extended meditation the mind must be prepared for the potential changes in awareness brought about by such a rigorous practice which would require years of preparation and tutelage.
Be gentle with yourself and others. This perfect life is in us all and in its own time will make itself known to each, when the conditions are right in a person's life. As we come to accept the natural unfolding process of an expanding awareness and growing emotional maturity, we surrender resistance to what is in the moment and create an opening for the miraculous and unexpected to happen.
Make the way as gentle as possible for yourself and others by being kind, understanding, present, and good listeners. Set healthy boundaries because sometimes it is the healthy boundaries of others the help ripen the conditions to someone's unfolding and healing. Having the courage to say, "I am here for you, I am not abandoning you and I need you! I need you to care for me and demonstrate that care by____________." helps people get in touch with what is really important and may give the extra push to be courageous enough to show up for someone else OR courageous enough to show up for themselves and say, "NO, I can't or don't want to do that for you and I am ready for a change." This type of dialogue helps create authentic and organic changes that will lead to growth over a period of time.
Focusing on our own creativity and our own minds, being responsible for our own inner space creates the room for others to grow around us. As we become responsible for being life to the fullest and create room for others to do the same we are cultivating minds that can carry the fullness of life and extend that life to others. Create Joy! BE LIFE AS FULLY AS YOU CAN!
I haven't written my blog since the end of February. My little sister Ann made her transition from this life to the next on March 6 at the age of 45 and I haven't been able to write until now. Death of a loved one has a way of causing us to reevaluate our lives like nothing else does. Ann's passing and the story of our lives together is filled with love, tragedy, unfulfilled desire, and worst of all....the fear of life.
She had been ill for some time with an auto immune disorder that attacked her liver. She became addicted to the pain medication that had to take to help her cope with the illness and in my last conversation with her I asked her if she was afraid to live. She sounded surprised at the question but as we talked about life she realized that yes, she was afraid to live. For her, there was so much regret, disappointment, misunderstanding, lack of ability to communicate effectively, among other issues and life just seemed too big to tackle. She was afraid of participating in life at a level that requires self-examination, it was the guilt, frustration, and shame that lie underneath her hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment that prevented her from reaching out before it was too late. Living fully would have required understanding and forgiveness, of herself and others. And sometimes the pain of showing up for that level of work can just be too much for people to bear.
Thank goodness in tragedy there is still comfort and opportunities for growth and new life. Ann is on her soul journey in a different realm now and her soul is being healed and educated. For everyone left behind we have been given an opportunity to reevaluate how we want to interact in our relationships, we are in the process of redefining what is important and what is imperative. We have been given the opportunity to reach out and connect with those we love with more authenticity and kindness than ever before. We have a new understanding of what it means to live up to our potential day by day, one step at a time, focused on the here and now.
In my profession as life coach, it is humbling to not be able to help those you love the most live life to the fullest. It is humbling and painful. At some point every person in a helping profession, and every person who is faced with the emotional and mental illness of those they love, must face the reality that they are not responsible for people's choices to show up for life. We are responsible for showing up ourselves, do our own inner work, be open, receptive, empathetic, and provide boundaries when needed, wisdom and guidance if asked for, and silent listening when not.
Helping people develop new understandings and focus to create new life experiences that support their happiness and joy continues to be my life work and will continue on. May there be peace for those whose pain of showing up is so profound they can only live half lives or cannot live life at all.
If your mother taught you that "Thoughts are Things", she is being proven right. Neuroscience, Neurocardiology, and Biophysics researchers (to name just a few disciplines) from around the world are finding evidence supporting the idea that the transference of information occurs in many different forms that go undetected by our conscious awareness.
Transference of information occurs chemically, electromagnetically, and biophotonically
(biophotons are tiny particles of light created by your body). Your heart, DNA, and brain send and receive signals that communicate within your own body and beyond, to the brains, hearts, and biophotonic fields of others.
With each thought, emotion, and action, we are communicating. And someone somewhere is picking up that signal. Your heart and brain are amazing instruments that pick up the electromagnetic impulse of thoughts coming from your MIND. They "read" the impulses and chemical markers and respond in creating neurotransmitters and hormones, some of them helpful, some not so helpful in maintaining optimal emotional, mental, and physical health.
In our SPEAK LIFE weekly practice we will be consciously directing WORDS and THOUGHTS OF LIFE towards specific life issues with the purpose and intent of accepting responsibility for the focus of our minds and emotions. Its true our realities are created and influenced by many factors and SPEAKING LIFE is just one factor however, your mind is the most powerful power on the planet and once you can cultivate your attention to focus, think, AND SPEAK LIFE, your mind can become the most powerful influence in your experiences. It is our ability to FOCUS that decides whether or not we receive the maximum benefits and opportunities that this life has to offer.
By FOCUSING ON LIFE and the NATURE OF LIFE we control what we ARE ABLE to control, our focus, attention, and responses. There are many things we cannot control, but we CAN control whether or not we FULLY PARTICIPATE IN LIFE to the best of our ability in any given situation we find ourselves in!